I Still Know What You Did Last Summer
January 28, 1999

Let me start off this review with an admission. I'm in a good mood. I'm hopped up on movie house Pepsi and plain M&M's. Also, I won a free pass to the Davis tonight. I matched my ticket stub after the show and had the winning ticket number. Of course, when I redeemed my ticket, the nice Davis cashier said, "Oh, you were the only one in there, right?"

Not true. There was an old geezer in the back, who had probably been sitting in the same seat for a couple of shows. Also, a few people straggled in halfway into the film (probably after the 9:25 p.m. showing of Rush Hour ended). Either way, I won, and this will reflect favorably on the review.

I haven't seen the original, but managed to piece together the gist of it from the sequel's storyline. Julie (Jennifer Love Hewitt) and her friends ran over a guy, ditched the body. The guy wasn't dead. Next summer, he kills her friends, then she supposedly kills him (I guess) at the end of the original movie.

So, I Still Know begins exactly one year later than the first. The title of the sequel confuses me. The original's title, I Know What You Did Last Summer, are words the killer uses to show Julie and her friends that he knows about their accident with him the previous summer and their attempt to conceal his body.

Now, isn't I Still Know What You Did Last Summer an incorrect title, since the accident is no longer one summer in the past, but two? Shouldn't it be I Still Know What You Did the Summer Before Last? If you're going for a lame sequel title, why not make it factually correct? It's no worse than Star Wars: The Phantom Menace, is it? But I digress; to the review!

Pretty lame-ass horror movie, but it was sorta fun in a Davis kinda way. Whereas the victims of the previous movie were maybe a bit interesting because of their guilt surrounding the accident, all the victims in this movie were just dumbass characters with no connection at all to the original story. They were all given several seconds to run from the killer before dying, but instead chose to stand around, making faces like, "Oh, wait, there's a guy with a menacing hook, probably not a nice person, oh, what's he doing, hm, swinging hook at me OOWW---"

The killer seemed a bit irked at having to kill all these superfluous secondary characters. I'm sure he was mumbling in his overcoat, "Do I have to kill the maid? She was in one friggin' scene!"

You'll be happy to know that there was a stock Kevin Williamson twist at the end (keep those curveballs coming!). Hey, there's TWO killers, not one! The Bermuda vacation Julie thought she and her friend (pop sensation Brandy!) won was in a fact a setup by the killers! These killers must be loaded to pay for four plane tickets to Bermuda. Perhaps they have a nice stock portfolio, or lots of frequent flier miles.

There were a lot of delightful incongruities in the movie. I liked how there was a menacing Rottweiler in the beginning of the film that just mysteriously evaporated out of the plot. There was a hotel porter/voodoo mystic who inexplicably knew all about the killer and Julie's friends. Maybe he used magic, a crystal ball, or maybe that's the kind of insight you get from burning Jennifer Love Hewitt's toothbrush.

In the final showdown between the two killers and Julie and her boyfriend, Julie manages to escape the grip of one of the killers, so we watch her boyfriend get the crap beat out of him by both killers for several minutes. I'm not sure what Julie was doing during all of this, maybe sitting down for a spell and meditating on how crazy life can be.

At the end of the movie Julie and her boyfriend have a really nice house back in Southport. Who knows how, seeing that Julie is a student and her boyfriend is some sort of fisherman/dock worker. Maybe it was subsidized by HUD. At the end of the movie, Julie gets pulled screaming under her bed by the killer, so's I guess she's not going to be in another sequel (which might be called, I Knew what Julie and Her Friends Did Last Summer, If You've Got a Sec, I'll Tell you About It). This ending kind of reminded me of the end of the original Nightmare on Elm Street, with that amusingly bad special effects shot of the mom getting dragged by Freddy through the front door of her house.

So, overall, it was purdy fun. Predictable murders, bad characterization, dumb false scares, etc., but would you want it any other way at the Davis? My only really severe criticism of this film is that Brandy survives. Okay, she's wounded, but not even that badly. C'mon, guys, give the public what it wants...

See you at the movies. Save me the unstained seat.