John Carpenter's Vampires
January 22, 1999

This film is the latest in a string of bad movies perpetrated by the increasingly indefensible John Carpenter. I had wanted to see this when it initially came out, but was dissuaded by a friend who warned me to stay away.

I have always liked John Carpenter. His version of The Thing is still one of my favorite movies (I actually like it more than the original Nyby-Hawks film). I like Halloween, They Live, Christine, and Assault on Precinct 13 all to varying degrees, and hear his sci-fi parody Dark Star is quite funny.

But, John. John! This movie sucked. It wasn't even a good bad film. It was bad bad through and through. It was really boring. It was ugly, too. All the daytime scenes had a crappy orange filter on the top of the sky, making it look like the Tom Cruise racing pic Days of Thunder. That's one more strike against Mr. Carpenter for making me have flashbacks of a Tony Scott movie.

James Woods, who I sometimes like, is aggravating and shrill. Also, little did I know that his sidekick is one of the lesser Baldwin brothers (I think his name is Tubby Baldwin). This guy can't even sleep convincingly.

There was a lot of gratuitous violence towards women, which bothered me. The score by Carpenter was pretty darn sucky; usually I actually like his music.

This film reminded me a lot of From Dusk to Dawn, which is one of the worst movies I have seen in a theater. Both are completely devoid of any sense of humanity. They are loud, ugly pieces of nothing.

Normally, I wouldn't be this judgmental of a film at the Davis. Honestly! Unfortunately, I really expect more from John Carpenter than this hunk of obnoxious junk.

See you at the movies. Save me the unstained seat.