VVild VVild VVest
September 6, 1999

It's been a while and then some, folks. It's been something like 6 months since I've updated! That's about 40 in human years!

Well, I have been going to the Davis in this brief but severe hiatus, but I have been slacking off (obviously) with the movie reviews. However, tonight's experience with VVild VVild VVest was just so pleasant I had to put fingers to keyboard.

The Davis apparently is running low on W's for their marquee letters, while they have a veritable plethora of V's, hence VVild VVild VVest. Won't you please send a small contribution to the theater to enable them to show "W" movies with pride? Mention Splotchy and you may receive surplus Jim West sunglasses from the failed Burger King merchandise tie-in campaign.

Boy, did this movie royally suck!

Acting, plot, special effects, everything! Suck! Completely!

Will Smith plays runaway slave Jim West, who we learn was raised by Indians(!), and in a fit of insanity, joins the U.S. Army. He and Artemis Gordon (Kevin Kline) talk onscreen and move their body parts in various manners, giving the appearance of motion. The purpose of this motion is still not quite clear to me, but I believe it has something to do with thwarting the stupid plans of wheelchair-bound Dr. Loveless, played by Kenneth Branagh.

What is it with Kenneth Branagh, anyway? Did anybody see his version of Henry V? It was pretty good, wasn't it? Not bad, at least. Has he done anything above the level of swine poo since? It seems like he picks roles for the sole purpose of tempting people to punch him out at restaurants.

Oh, let's go back to sunglasses for a moment. Jim West wears sunglasses in this movie, which takes place after the Civil War. I don't know if sunglasses existed at this time, but I find it very aggravating that seemingly every Western made after 1990 (with maybe the exception of Unforgiven) has some character with sunglasses. I must find the director who first used this gimmick and make him stare directly into a solar eclipse.

Some random thoughts about the Davis itself. There was a huge crash before the film began; I think the glass from the projection window shattered (thankfully in the projection booth and not on the poor saps sitting below). A twit got a call on his celluar phone and attempted to shout over the explosions of the film (this is actually my first experience in a theater with a phone twit), bad popcorn, didn't win a free ticket.

That is, as they say, ENTERTAINMENT!

See you at the movies. Save me the unstained seat.